Since my teen years, I remember always feeling like the fat girl—undesired and unwanted because of my weight. I always had this thought that ‘if only’ I could lose weight I could somehow become worthy of love and affection. This pattern of low self-worth and weight struggle continued well into my adult years. The only difference was that the excess weight also began to affect my health.
Since my late 20’s, I have struggled with diabetes and autoimmune issues. My autoimmune issues got so out of control, I couldn’t lift my arms to wash my own hair. As I aged (I’m 42), those issues grew along with my weight.
I have tried so many diets to regain control of my health and lose weight: Weight Watchers, Seattle Sutton, Low Fat/Low Calorie, Low Carb, etc., and I had some success at weight loss over the years—however, I was never able to keep it off. My highest weight was 238 pounds. When I began WLGW, I was weighed 227 pounds and was teetering back and forth, toying with the 230s again. What I found from this program that was lacking in my previous efforts, was a connection to God. Through the lessons, I invited Him to dig into my dark places and allowed His healing.
I began to practice surrender. I surrendered to doing things that I never wanted to do before: tracking my food, daily accountability with lessons that challenge me, a partner who I can have a real, vulnerable conversation with, and also an open relationship with my heavenly Father. Many of those things I thought I had in place before, especially my relationship with God. Yet, by bringing Him into my struggle with food on a daily, sometimes hourly or minute-by-minute basis, has been a game-changer for me. My active ongoing conversations with God keep me in contact with Him, helping me to stay on course.
So far, I have released 31 pounds. Due to that loss, I have regained so much of my health. I am no longer diabetic and my autoimmune issues are much more manageable. My pain level that used to incapacitate me is now at a livable level.
I have another 25 pounds that I want to lose and have a tendency to get obsessive about this, especially when I don’t feel like the numbers are moving as fast as I think they should. When that happens, I remember the word SURRENDER. I just keep doing the footwork and trust the rest to God. For me, that means I track my food and do my best to stay within my calorie goal; I exercise 5 days a week; I do my daily lessons coupled with prayer and reflection time; I listen to ‘Seek Him Saturday’ calls if I can’t make a live call; I write to my accountability partner each week for check-in; and most importantly, I pray. I pray all day long for strength and to honor God in all I do. My word for the year has been ‘Health.’ My verse for the year has been Luke 8:48, “Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” I believe that through Christ, I AM being restored. Praise Him!