Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
When trying to lose weight, most people (unsuccessfully) focus on diet and exercise. However, over my 30+ years of personal training, I’ve learned that it’s more the poor habits, mindsets and limiting beliefs that prevent people from releasing weight. My commitment to women all over the world is to help them get to the root of sabotaging behaviours. This post will talk about one of the biggies.
People-pleasing has been one of my biggest habits that keep me overwhelmed and frustrated. In the past, it used to paralyze me.
Over the years, I’ve learned to be aware of it, and now, with much prayer, I’m often able to change the behavior; although sometimes, ‘I lose the battle.’ Regardless, I’m committed to overcoming it.
Over the past 2 weeks, I believe the Holy Spirit is calling me to address it again. When that happens, I know it’s because God is getting ready to do something big in my life–to take me to another level–so to speak, but first He wants me to address one of my (many) stumbling blocks. This is both an exciting and scary thought!
Here’s how people-pleasing shows up in my life:
- I give clients more time than they paid me for
- I overthink before sending an e-mail because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong message
- I’m overly concerned about what people think of me and stress about whether someone is mad at me
- I’m afraid to ask for things, even if they are rightfully mine
- I say ‘yes’, when I really want to say ‘no’
So, over the past two weeks, I’ve been practicing my boundaries and noticing when I’m going into people-pleasing mode.
- I’ve been practicing saying ‘no’ and not stressing out about what people think about what I’ve said.
- I’ve been reciting this phrase, “What’s important is what God thinks of me.”
- I’ve been practicing ending all of my sessions on time and not feeling the need to overgive of my time (I’m still struggling with this one–y’all pray for me).
- I’ve not been stressing out if I don’t return someone’s message right away.
Practicing these habits are scary but they are bringing me much peace and joy. I realize that it will take time because these behaviors started in my childhood, but now that I understand the root cause, I’m committed to healing myself with the Lord as my strength.
Why we people-please
One of the main causes is fear of rejection and judgment. Deep down inside, people-pleasers seek validation. ‘Am I good enough?’ is the question we’re constantly asking ourselves. This need for validation becomes so strong that we become emotionally addicted to the need for people to validate us. This makes us feel needed and loved.
What’s the connection with your health
When we can’t truly express who we really are, we end up stuffing our feelings with food. Food becomes one of the few areas where we ‘feel’ we have control. Ironically, we’re actually really out of control, but for that brief moment when the food enters our mouth, it feels and tastes good.
People-pleasing is very stressful. It’s downright impossible to make everyone happy, yet we feel like that is our mission in life. This stress can lead to health problems over time.
People-pleasers are often overwhelmed and frustrated with how many things they have on their plate. They may also feel that they don’t deserve to take better care of themselves. The end result–overeating and weight gain.
How do you change?
First of all, recognize that there are wonderful qualities about being this type of person. You are giving, loyal, helpful, and you have a servant’s heart. The key is to find a godly balance between serving and overgiving.
Next, start to become aware of when you are overgiving/people-pleasing and then begin to pray about what’s at the root of why you do what you do. Because you might not even be aware of how and why you do it, give yourself a lot of grace. It will take time.
As part of my commitment to overcome my people-pleasing, I’m inviting anyone who has taken Weight Loss, God’s Way 21-Day Challenge to join Step 2 – Breakthrough, so you can learn with us how to overcome your people-pleasing. This is one of the lessons in our 10-week Breakthrough program.
In the past, I would not really tell people about my programs because I was so afraid of being rejected. Now that I’m in recovery, I can confidently invite people to join me one the journey. This is huge for me!!
You might also be in a similar situation. You have a gift to share with the world but your fear of rejection keeps you from telling other people. Well my friends, it’s time to overcome that and start sharing your gifts and talents with the world.
- Aren’t you tired of trying to please everyone?
- Aren’t you tired of suffering silently?
- Aren’t you tired of stuffing your feelings with food?
Love and Blessings,
P.S. if you are tired of circling the same mountain over and over and want a Christ-centered approach to lasting weight loss without feeling guilty, deprived, or overwhelmed, be sure to sign up for our video course program right away at cathymorenzie.com