This is part 1 of a 5- part series on Overcoming the Disappointment Cycle
Over the next few weeks, I will continue with the following titles:
2. Getting to the root of your limiting belief
3. The physiology behind disappointment addiction
4. Limiting beliefs in the Bible
5. God’s plan for putting a new song in our mouth – your swan song
Part 1- What’s Your Theme Song?
“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.” Psalm 40:3
I never understood why I was drawn to certain types of movies until someone asked me what my favourite movies were. It was then, I realize I enjoyed movies where women overcome difficult circumstances, questioned their self-worth yet, in the end, triumphed. I loved the reunion of Oprah Winfrey and Whoopi Goldberg in the ‘Colour Purple’ (1985). When Hilary Swank finally gets the courage to start her business in ‘P.S., I Love You’ ( 2007) and where Reese Witherspoon sets out on a journey of self-discovery while hiking the Pacific Crest Train as her life spirals out of control in the movie ‘Wild’ (2014)
The more I thought about the movies I enjoyed, I realized that it was because I craved what they had. I desperately longed for victory in my life but it always appeared to be a stark contrast from the characters in the movies.
(In my mind), my life has always been filled with disappointment. I have a limiting belief that I will have limited success in everything I do. My teen, 20’s, 30’s and even parts of my 40’s are filled with memories of heartbreaks, fears and disappointments. In fact, I even kept a journal to chronicle the sadness of my life.
Deep somewhere in the depth of my mind, I have fears that, as I write books no-one will ever read them. I fear that my parenting will always fall short and my ability to be a good wife is less than adequate. I share this not to berate myself, but to let you know that I struggle with these fears most days of my life.
Disappointment is (was) my theme song. Have you ever had a song stick in your head all day long? That’s how I often felt. It was part of who I am. I believed it was in my DNA and I only needed to look at the lives of all of my other family members to confirm this ‘truth’. I wore disappointment like a badge of honour.
Last year when leading a group of women through the Haven program, the Holy Spirit had me turn the mirror and look at myself. He showed me that my relationship with disappointment was similar to the issues many of the women were having with food. Since then, it has been a journey of seeking God to help me understand my ‘disappointment addiction’ and how to overcome it by His love and grace.
God showed me that my prayers would continually hit a ceiling because deep down inside I did not really not believe His Word could penetrate the legacy of disappointment. The little glimpses of a happy life that God would show me were quickly wiped away by my self-sabotaging behaviours by either binge- eating to prove to myself that even me, a personal trainer, could not even stick to her eating plan. Or, I would (subconsciously) fail to meet a deadline so that I could confirm my own feelings of inadequacy. After this, I receive the ‘right’ to sing my song.
God showed me that feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem were at the root of my behaviours.
As I taught other women, I learned that my false identities (we talk about in Haven) of ‘people-pleaser’ and ‘control-freak’ were strategies I used to maintain my status of ‘disappointment’.
This has negatively affected my life in many ways. I sometimes set goals so big and audacious that I know will be impossible to reach. Sometimes I don’t even set goals because I believe that I’m not going to reach them anyway. Or, I will go into self-sabotage mode when I find myself actually making progress. All of this to maintain my status as ‘disappointment’ and earn my right to continue to sing my song.
I believe the Holy Spirit led me to science and research that is teaching me that just like drugs or food, you can get addicted to negative emotions like disappointment (or anger, frustration, guilt and shame). We will talk about in it in more detail in an upcoming post but to summarize, we seek out situations to fulfill the biochemical craving of the cells in your body. So if you’re constantly disappointed, you will begin to seek out situations and circumstances to fulfill your biochemical need to feel the emotions associated with disappointment.
Or as this popular quote goes:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Or as scripture says,
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” Proverbs 23:7.
God showed me how much time, energy and joy I’ve wasted stuck in this cycle and He has showed me how to overcome it.
Over the next few weeks, I will show you how to overcome this cycle of disappointment or similar emotional stronghold that is keeping you stuck, overweight or overwhelmed with life.
For this week, seek God and ask him to show you your song if you have one. If you’ve been going around the same mountain for a long time, then chances are you also have a sad song. What do you keep telling yourself over time? What do you expect? Sickness? Failure? Incompetent? Not sure? Look at your life (or the areas that you struggle with). It is a result of what you’re constantly singing or telling yourself. You get what you expect. If it’s disappointment like me, how do you keep reinforcing the lie? What behaviours do you actively participate in that keeping the lie going? Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to these truths. This is the starting place to begin restoration, healing and excellent health.
In our Haven program, we learn how to turn our sad songs into a hymn of praise as scripture says in Psalm 40:3. Tune in to the next post to learn how to get to the root of these toxic limiting beliefs. To learn how to eliminate them from your life, prayerfully consider registering for our 12 week Haven program. Our next program begins February 16, 2016.
Until next week,